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INSIDE: At your age you’ll never be ripped. Torn maybe...not ripped. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: And forget the Present, because I didn’t get you one. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Unless you want to find your keys, remember why you walked in the other room, or twerk at your birthday party.
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INSIDE: Now if you could only remember where you put it. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Please, do not attempt to blow out the candle.
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INSIDE: May your birthday be as happy as a dog riding shotgun!
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INSIDE: I'm fine drinking from the bottle if you are. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Smashing your finger in a car door is nice too. Cracking your tooth is fun. And you can't beat twisting your ankle for a...
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INSIDE: ... when you wake up and find a balloon tied to your wiener. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: It used to be fun when you’d wake up stiff. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: You know you’re getting older when your stalker has a walker. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Of course, he licks his own butt and drinks from the toilet, so the bar is set kinda low... Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: If you’re tempted to stop and smell the roses, I urge you to reconsider. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Oh, I’m sorry. That was the dog. The cat doesn’t give a damn.
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INSIDE: But be sure to take a snack and maybe some water, because that's one long-ass lane. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Or... just drink and talk trash about people with me. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: Live in the present! And have a Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: ...whole foods are good for you. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: You don’t have that “old person smell” yet. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: And have the courage to lie about your age. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: is the first step to having a happy birthday!
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INSIDE: Come to find out, it was a hat. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: They are, but you’ll have more fun if you don’t think about it. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: I’m always surprised by what comes out of your mouth.
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INSIDE: You’re a star! Even when no one’s watching. Happy Birthday
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INSIDE: This card would make a lot more sense if your name were Bert.
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INSIDE: Of course, that guy was waaay younger than you. Happy Birthday!
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INSIDE: I hope this year is especially sweet! Happy Birthday
